I want the duck beer.

Finally, after seven and a half grueling hours of cornfields and Toledo, we got to Chicago. We both had been there before, but only I was here in the summer. I like to think of Chicago as Pittsburgh only bigger and with worse sports teams but I also don’t follow any sports but Pittsburgh sports so that’s how I view every city. However the weather and people are pretty similar.

Luckily we got to stay in Chicago for free with a friend’s sister. What made us even more lucky is that she didn’t have air conditioning in her third floor apartment so sorry about your blanket Liz it’s full of my sweat.

When we got there we decided to walk down to Lake Michigan. As we headed toward the lake, a little girl in a stroller turned around and sang Nicki Minaj’s “Beez in tha trap” to me which was special because at that moment I knew she was going to grow up and do great things with her GED.

We got to the lake, walked around, I scooped up some water and a bit of sand from the lake for my collection of things I take when I go places, and then we headed back to eat pizza. If you’re thinking “Yum, I bet that deep dish was really good”, I wouldn’t know because we got the thinnest, strangest pizza Chicago offers. But it was free and a nice gesture from our host so we ate 14 pieces each and didn’t save any for her Aunt who would be there in a few minutes.

After some conversation we realized the Stanley Cup was on and went to a bar down the street to watch. We chose this particular bar because a sign outside read “Free Buffet Monday-Thursday”. Before I could settle the battle in my head about heading back to the car for tupperware, we were inside. The first beer on tap I saw had a duck lever with no words and I wanted to try it. So I asked for the duck beer. She had no idea what I was talking about. After some explaining she understood what I meant. Turns out it was a goose.

When I finally got my duck beer we sat and drank and like any secret fatty would do acted surprised when they said there was a free buffet in the back. The bartender then gave us a basket of free popcorn – what kind of bar heaven was this? Free buffet AND popcorn? After eating all the popcorn, we finally headed to the back for more food. As we lifted the buffet tray lids, we realized that the buffet was actually questionable leftovers from the adjoining restaurant including what seemed to be half cooked potatoes and old penne with crusty sauce.

We stuck to popcorn.

After watching the Kings win, we headed home. The next morning we ate a quick breakfast, complained about how girls have dirty bathrooms, and got behind the wheel to dive deeper into the Midwest. Next stop: Omaha.