Monthly Archives: April 2014

Why can’t I think of anything to write?

I have no idea. I love writing, but sometimes I can’t get anything on the page. Is it because my life is boring right now? I don’t think so. I mean, maybe in this exact instant, yes, because I’m staring at an empty page and nothing is coming to my brain. But overall? No way. I just moved to San Francisco less than a month ago. A move across the country is huge. Super hard, actually. My parents were both crying. I haven’t seen my dad cry in years. I’ve seen my mom cry before. That’s actually super common. She’s emotional. So I guess I could write about my move? I don’t know though, I’ve done that before. I wrote about moving away from Pittsburgh. I wrote about moving into New York. I wrote about the “move” to and from LA for, like, 6 months. I guess that was more of a road trip though, not really a move. Wow I’ve moved a lot since college ended. To LA. Back home. Back to Pittsburgh. To New York. To San Francisco. And those are just cities. I’ve been in one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight different apartments or houses in two years. Roughly a new place to live every 3 months. I actually can’t remember the last time I signed a lease. Pittsburgh I guess. Weird.

But anyway, yea, I’ve written about moving. Can’t do that again.

Have I had any crazy enlightenments recently? I guess kind of. I’ve realized how important money is until you have enough to support yourself, and then how unimportant it is after that. I guess that’s big. Like, I could barely survive without my parents’ help when I lived in New York. So that blew. Now that I can support myself, I’m totally taken aback about how little I think about it. That makes me sound douchey and rich. I’m not either of those things. Now instead of “how am I going to pay for dinner with my friends tonight?” I ask myself “what could I have done to be more engaging at dinner tonight?” which stresses me out even more than not being able to pay. Once you figure out you’re able to afford it, the stress of payment is gone. But being more present and engaging? That’s a whole new beast. That doesn’t get solved in one dinner. That takes TIME. And practice. So yea I guess stressors that come after basic needs are filled is something I’ve been been “enlightened” about recently.

Still though, if I write about that, I’ll probably come off as preachy and on some type of high horse. Don’t wanna do that. My friends/family/readers would probably say stuff about me that I don’t like. And I love those guys. Why would I want to put a sour taste in their mouths?

I mean, I guess the best writers are the ones that make you think. They’re the ones that take really strong stances on something so that they polarize groups of people. They make you fiercely agree or fiercely disagree. Then you talk about it. And them. Then those writers get popular and famous and successful and then they keep churning out more and more until they’re widely known and people love/hate them. All the while getting their ideas out to the world.

THEN when they die they’re immortalized as some of the best in the world. I wonder if that’s why so many writers are suicidal? Artists in general, actually. I mean, I get it, it makes a statement if you off yourself before you’re famous. Then people will be like “shit well I wonder what he/she was writing/sculpting/filming/singing/painting/preaching about before he/she died?” Then the artist’s work gets noticed, and sometimes they get really famous because “woah they were really good, such a shame they’re dead.” So the road to success is through creating stuff and then dying before anyone sees/reads/listens to it?

Meh. No thanks. I like my heartbeat. Plus, that’s a super depressing thing to write about. People don’t want to read about that. I just read an article that said writing that’s evokes awe, entertainment, or laughter gets shared the most. Should I write something funny?

I’m pretty funny. I mean I like to think I am. And if I’m not convinced I’m funny, no one else will think I’m funny. So if I write something funny it’s two-fold: people will be entertained and hopefully LOL at my work and share it, AND they’ll think I’m as funny as I think I am. Win win, right? Yea I should write something funny. Something light, you know? There are so many dense articles out there that people get bogged down with. Something funny would be a nice reprieve from that.

So what’s something funny that I could write about? Should I take something that happened to me recently and make it funny? Or I could take a situation in general that I think is funny and write about it? Like guys who text at the urinal. What the hell? I have so many questions for those men. Particularly:
1. How are you not peeing on yourself?
2. What is so important that you need to check it out at this exact moment while you pee?
3. Does this bring a new level of urinal etiquette that we, as men, need to address? For example, if you choose the urinal beside directly beside me when one two urinals down was open, but you’re texting, does that make it OK?
4. Again, how are you not peeing on yourself?
5. What happens if you drop your phone? Do you put it in rice? That would be so gross – pee soaked rice. Oh but that’d be funny if you hated your roommate and added it to the rice that he already has cooked. Note to self: monitor rice.

I could also just write funny one liners on Twitter for the next couple minutes. I think that’d be good, right? No, probably not actually. I need to write seriously, not in 140 characters or less. That’s just a cop out for writing.

Man this is frustrating. How am I supposed to be funny when I’m frustrated? That’s like…that’s like trying to open a jar with greasy hands. No that doesn’t make sense. Basically it’s hard to do that. And the more frustrated I get, the more I think my writing isn’t funny, which leads to writing some BS post about why I can’t write right now.

I guess I’ll just table this until next week. Something good should happen by then.